


Memories And Regrets

by Traw



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Regret, Slash, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24368422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traw/pseuds/Traw
Summary: The light was rapidly fading from the day as a mild breeze caused the remnants of the dried-up lei that adorned the granite headstone to scatter all around him. He knelt beside the grave and let his fingers trace the etched name that had been carved into the stone, his eyes too misty with unshed tears to read the words engraved there. Takes place about a year after the final episode. WARNING - Death fic.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 16
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

The light was rapidly fading from the day as a mild breeze caused the remnants of the dried-up lei that adorned the granite headstone to scatter all around him. He knelt beside the grave and let his fingers trace the etched name that had been carved into the stone, his eyes too misty with unshed tears to read the words engraved there. Even though he couldn't read them, he knew them all by heart. The words honored the man who had been his partner, the man who he would always be proud to call his friend; the man to whom he never got the chance to say the final Aloha or tell how much he loved him.

Swallowing hard, he rose to his feet and looked away, trying to prevent the overwhelming wave of grief from pulling him under. Despite this, it was a lost struggle as unwanted tears began to fall. Emotions rushed to the surface, and he clenched his fists together and tried to push them back down again, back under control. There were just too many regrets and things left unsaid between them. There was so much to say and now, no time to say it. It was never supposed to end like this.

Things had started well, only to disintegrate by his own obsession with Wo Fat. An obsession that would end in revenge after Wo Fat's death and almost end the life of the man whom he loved.. At some point in the days after Danny's kidnapping and almost dying because of him, he had started to question what he was really doing with his life, if there was more out there for him then just being the commander of Five 0 ? If his trying to protect the people he called ohana, only endangered them more? Questions had arisen; keeping him awake at night, questions to which he could never quite find the answers. There were so many of them, and now the only thing that could be done was let them fall to the wind, like so many of the dried-up flowers of the lei on the headstone.

When had everything changed? When had he felt that he needed to walk away? When had he really decided that he needed to leave his friends, the people he considered his ohana behind? Even Danny, when Danny needed him the most.

Even after all this time, the memory of that last case was still raw and too close to the surface for comfort. The knowledge that Danny had almost lost his life because of him, tore him apart. But Danny being Danny, had refused to believe there was anything to forgive him for. And even though Danny had refused to hold him responsible, he was unable to forgive himself so easily. So, one had been left behind as the other one walked away.

A soft sob escaped his throat as he looked back down at the grave. How many times had he awoken by Catherine's side during the past year, regretting having walked away, regretting stepping back into a relationship that he thought he wanted but only to realize was a mistake, that she was not the one who he truly loved as he stared at his phone? How many times had he wondered if Danny was also staring at his phone, willing it to ring, wanting to hear him say he was sorry and that he was coming home where he belonged? But he let his guilt get in the way and never got the courage to pick up the phone and admit his mistake that he had realized after he had walked away from him on that fateful day that he loved him, not Catherine. That he had walked away from everything he had been looking for, not realizing it was in front of him all along.

Then came that the day when he had received that fateful call; the one he feared the most and never wished to receive. Even now he could still hear the tremor of grief in Lou's voice as Lou broke the devastating news. It kept playing like a broken record in his mind, on repeat. Danny was dead, killed while working on a case. And Steve's greatest fear had finally been realized. He had never got to tell Danny he was sorry.

He jumped in surprise as a warm hand was laid on his shoulder, before Lou softly spoke, "I'm sorry Steve but we have to go. The lawyers and judge are waiting for you and I promised them that you wouldn't be late."

Wiping away the tears, he nodded before he whispered softly, "Are you sure that this is what Danny really wanted?"

Lou smiled gently as he glanced at the headstone before looking back at the devastated man who now stood uncertainly before of him. "Danny always believed that you would return to Hawaii one day and that you would take care of Grace and Charlie if ever something happened to him. He wanted the kids to grow up and be loved by someone who he knew loved them as much as he did and that was you."

Squeezing the shoulder beneath his hand, Lou continued, "He never stopped believing that one day you would come home, that one day you would realize that everything you were looking for was waiting for you, right here. I would often find him sitting late at night in his office staring at his phone. I tried to encourage him to call you... but he said that you needed time to find your own way home." Lou swallowed hard before he continued softly, his voice catching. "After...after we found him, it was clear that he was dying. His last request to me was to tell you that he loved you and that he would always love you."

Nodding slowly, Steve turned back turned back to the headstone and carefully removed the dying lei, "I'm sorry Danny for leaving. I'm sorry for everything that happened. I promise that you will never be forgotten," he whispered as he placed his own lei upon the head stone. "You were right, everything I wanted was here. You were the one who I was searching for. You were the one I wanted by my side. I loved you, Danny and I was just too blind to see. "

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Steven, I just wish that you had would have told me how you were feeling," He heard the familiar voice whisper reassuringly into his ear as a mild breeze blew past him, "But I always knew you would come back home. Just remember that I love you, you Neanderthal animal, and I always will"

For the first time in a very long time, Steve felt the guilt lift from his shoulders and he was overcome with a pleasant feeling of lightness. Until it was gone, he hadn't realized that the burden was so heavy that it sometimes choked off rational thought. But even after everything that had happened, Danny had never given up on him.

Now that the guilt was gone, another new, yet familiar responsibility settled onto his shoulders, one which he would do his best to do. He would make sure that Grace and Charlie would never forget what a wonderful and special man their father was and how much Danno loved them, and he was determined to show them just how much he loved Danny.


	2. Chapter 2

He stood behind his chair and slowly looked around the room, the room that had been his office before he had left and for another seventeen years after his return to Hawaii. Here he had dedicated his life to protect the innocent, to ensure the guilty were brought to justice, to keep his beloved islands safe. He had seen members of his ohana come and go, some left by choice, some… He swallowed hard, blinking away the tears, as he remembered the day that Joe White died. His world had tilted that day, Joe had been a big part of his life since he was sixteen, but with Danny’s help and encouragement, he had found the strength to carry on.

And then, just a few short years later, he had walked away from the person he had been so desperately looking for to spend the rest of his life with, not realizing until too late that he had been by his side all along.

He swallowed hard, his vision blurring, as he remembered the phone call that had shattered his world into a thousand pieces. A Five 0 operation had gone tragically wrong and the man who he had come to realize that he loved with all his heart had slipped away as the last golden rays slipped beneath the horizon. Danny was gone.

“Steve.” Joe said softly.

“It’s time to go home, Super SEAL.” Danny smiled.

He turned and looked at the men who were standing near the door, patiently waiting for him. Taking one final glance around the office, he smiled and hurried across to join them, placing his arm around Danny’s shoulder and pulling him closer as he looked at Joe and then back at Danny, still not able to believe they were here, waiting for him, he agreed. “Yes, it’s time to go home.”


	3. Chapter 3

Taking a sip of the cold beer he held in his hand, Steve snuck a covert glance towards the man sitting next to him, bare feet resting on the sand as he stared out over the ocean. He still couldn’t quite believe that he was really here by Danny’s side. Danny looked the same as when he had first met him that fateful day in his father’s garage. Looking down at himself, he mentally shook his head in amazement, and so did he. Gone was the grey hair, the wrinkles and lines that had come with him growing older that during the last few years that he had seen each time he had looked in the mirror.

Taking another sip of beer as he looked back up and stared out over the water, he slowly lowered the bottle back down to rest on his lap as he began softly, “I’m sorry Danny for walking away from you and leaving you that day.”

“I know,” Danny told him staring out over the ocean, enjoying the warm sunshine on his face and having Steve back by his side.

“I really did love you but I just didn’t realize just how much I really loved you until it was too late. I made a mistake in leaving.” Steve continued softly.

“I know that, too,” Danny nodded.

“And I never stopped loving you.”

“And I love you, too. I loved you then and I love you now.” Danny said turning to look at him, “And I always knew that you would come back to Hawaii … to me, I’m just sorry that I couldn’t be there when you did.”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come back sooner after I realized I made a mistake, maybe if I had-” Steve sighed.

“That you could have saved me?” Danny asked.

Swallowing hard, unable to verbally answer, Steve could only nod his head.

“Even you, in your best super ninja SEAL mode, couldn’t have stopped what happened that day, Steve, no one could have, it was my time to go.” Danny smiled sadly and shook his head slowly, before taking a small sip of his beer and turning to stare out over the water again. “I just wish….”

“Wish what, Danny?” Steve asked when Danny grew quiet.

“I…I just wish I could have told you, Charlie and Gracie just how much I loved you and been able to tell the three of you goodbye instead of leaving as suddenly as I did.” Danny sighed before looking back at Steve, “Thank you for being there for Grace and Charlie when they needed you the most. I always knew that I could count on you. No matter what happened I always could, you always had my back, Steve, and I knew that you would take care of Grace and Charlie and love them when I no longer could.”

Steve smiled, “You would be so proud of them, Buddy, Grace married Lou’s son, Will, and you have three beautiful grandchildren, and Charlie,” Steve’s smile widened, “Charlie joined HPD and now he’s Police Chief on the Big Island. He reminds me such much of you, Danny, some days it hurt so bad seeing you every time I looked at Charlie’s face and knowing that you were no longer there. But I never let either Gracie or Charlie forget what a wonderful man their father was or their Danno loved them. Or that I loved him and that I always will.”

“And I loved you also, you Neanderthal Animal, and I will for the rest of time.” Danny smiled as he put down the bottle of beer and got up and reached for Steve’s hand. Pulling Steve to his feet, he turned and led him back into towards their new eternal home.


End file.
